


Why Don't I Remember That?

by CosmoKid



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Heartbreak, Joaquin is a bit of a dick, M/M, Oops, Sad, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 12:24:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10536417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmoKid/pseuds/CosmoKid
Summary: In which Kevin finds out Joaquin was using him.





	

_You don’t miss me._

 

He screams. He yells. He cries. 

He wants it to end, all of it, all the misery and the anger and the hurt. He hurls another mug across the room, not even flinching when it smashes. 

He hates it. He hates that he’s upset and he hates that he’s the one who got hurt and he hates that he’s the one who got left out alone. He hates it all. He hates that all he can do is cry and he hates that he can’t carry on with his life. He hates that he’s hurt by it and that he can’t get over it. He hates that he trusted him and he hates that he let himself be fooled by it. He hates that he’s always alone and he hates that there’s no one who understands him. And he hates that he let himself believe that there was someone who cared about him, someone he could trust. He hates it so much. All of it, he hates all of it.

And he hates that he can’t bring himself to hate Joaquin. 

 

_I should remember that._

 

He knows he should be angry at Joaquin, he knows it so fucking well, but he’s just not.

He can’t bring himself to be angry at him. He knows he should be and he understands why, but every time he thinks about it, a little voice reminds him that at least Joaquin told him before it got too far.

And then a littler voice reminds him that he loves Joaquin.

Fuck, he loves Joaquin.

Instead, he blames himself and his anger is self-inflicted. He blames himself because he knows better than to trust a Serpent and he knows that it was just a stupid high school romance so he shouldn’t be this upset. He shouldn’t feel heartbroken. They hadn’t even been dating six months when he found out. Fuck. 

He can’t bring himself around, he can’t convince himself that there’s no point in being heartbroken over a short-lived, teenage relationship. He knows it’s weak and shitty and stupid. He knows that he’s being unreasonable, but he can’t bring himself to feel any other way. 

And that makes him so angry. He’s so angry about himself because it’s his fault. He can’t blame Joaquin so he points the blame at himself because he should have known better. Fuck, he knows better.

He knows better yet he’s heartbroken again. Heartbroken because he fell for a criminal. He should have seen it coming, a Serpent dating the sheriff’s son. It was obvious that he was being used, but he fell into the trap of Romeo and Juliet and star-crossed lovers and all that shit. He’s so angry and upset and hurt and so fucking angry.

But he can’t bring himself to be angry at Joaquin.

 

_I should fucking remember that_

 

He sighs, his body visibly shaking. He can’t breathe, he feels like his heart is giving up and his lungs are giving in.

He takes a deep breath, moving silently across the room. He blinks, staring at the shattered china and glass on the floor. He sighs again.

He kneels down, letting his head hang low. He sighs again, taking a deep breath. He pauses for five seconds before he reaches to pick up the shattered pieces of kitchenware. He doesn’t flinch when he feels the glass slice his finger, he just sighs again.

He watches the blood drip down his finger onto his hand. He watches a single bead of blood flow down to his wrist. He blinks and wipes it away with his sleeve. He sees the smudge on his jacket and he sighs again.

He stands up, moving across the room to find something else to clean it with. He ignores the screaming in his head and the tears threatening to spill out of his eyes and quietly cleans up his mess. He knows he can’t make his Dad’s life more stressful, not now. He has a murder case to deal with, he doesn’t need a neurotic, heartbroken kid to deal with. He sighs again.

He empties it into the bin, accidentally dropping the brush in. He stops and stares, watching it fall as if it was in slow motion. 

He cries. He doesn’t know why it happens, but the tears begin to pour out of his eyes, dripping into the bin. He falls to his knees, leaning against the bin. He cries and he cries and he cries.

And he hates himself for it, he’s so angry at himself for it. It’s his fault. It’s his fucking fault that he’s crying again. 

 

_Why don’t I remember that?_

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry
> 
> come scream with me on [tumblr](https://island-of-asteria.tumblr.com/)


End file.
